8 Curious Christmas Day Fails

Published: Thursday 11th December 2014 by Paul Nickerson - Writer

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Christmas day is designed for joy, but occasionally things go pear-shaped.  Don’t worry if it’s happened to you, just breathe through it and take comfort in our little list of other curious Christmas day disasters. Tell us about your Christmas Day disasters on our Facebook page. 

1. Experimental cooking. 

Meet the Cthurkey. The gruesome creation that combines Turkey, Crab and Octopus. So named by its creator Rusty Eulberg, a data entry clerk from Ohio. The Cthurkey is based on HP Lovecraft’s mythical ‘Cthulhu’. If your experimental cooking goes wrong, there’s always a pasty from the local petrol station.


2. Bad present choices   

The unwritten code of present buying can be hard to read. Take this limited edition ‘Wisecracking’ Alf doll from the 80s. Produced as a foul mouthed ‘adult’ edition, quite benign in appearance. But once animated it was as popular with parents as a flick knife. If your present buying misses the spot, fear not there’s always the gift receipt.

Wise Cracking Alf

3. Frozen turkey anyone?

This is a true tale of a hapless Dad from Hull who forgot his wife’s simple request to organise the family turkey at Christmas. Lets call him Paul.

Christmas eve came, and realising his mistake, Paul broke the news to the family – there would be no Turkey this Christmas.

His confession was met with a silence that, like any Dad, spurred him on to make up for this terrible oversight .  ‘Right’, he thought as the clock struck 8, there must be a supermarket still open somewhere in Hull.

Wrapped in a hat and scarf, Paul ventured out like Bob Cratchit to find a turkey and save Christmas. Asda was closed, so was Tesco, and as he coasted by Sainsbury’s, the empty car park and darkened doorways told him that that was closed too. Crestfallen, Paul began the drive home, where he would have to explain that yes, there would definitely be no Turkey this Christmas Day.

But as he drove, far in the distance he saw a dusty yellow light in the falling snow. A little corner shop was still open, no doubt hoping for some last minute trade before closing up for the night. Curiously, Paul stopped outside, switched off his engine in his grey gloves, and trod carefully across the snow to see if, on the off-chance , the shop still had a Turkey.

Within 5 minutes he was back in the car delighted. An enormous white Turkey graced the passenger seat. He didn’t care about the size or if it would fit in the oven, or the exorbitant price he’d had to pay. He had his bird and was home in a flash.

As he turned into the driveway, new snow had nearly replaced the tyre marks he’d left over an hour before.  “Got it, ha haaa!” he declared triumphantly as he breezed through the front door. But instead of joining him in celebration and joy, Paul was met with the same baffled silence from which he’d left. Eventually the middle daughter said,  “Dad, it’s frozen”. “What? Oh yeah, I never thought, well,  it’ll defrost won’t it” – before he’d finished speaking his wife was reading the small print on the back of the huge, icy cold, solid bird. “Yes. It will defrost Paul, in 36 hours”.

4. Overdoing it.  

Let’s face it, like all Fathers, he’s lovely and cuddly. But after a few too many drinks, things can get embarrassing and Christmas presents might be not top of his to do list. If you over indulge this Christmas, then fear not, there’s always boxing day for rest (and recovery).

Drunk Santa

I really love you Rudolf, hic.


5. Arthur’s Christmas Club theft?

A definite no-no at Christmas or any time. Arthur Fowler said he was only borrowing the £943. He spent Christmas Day in prison. We don’t for a second think anyone is low enough to steal from a Christmas club, but if you’ve been a bad boy/girl this Christmas, you know what happens. Our advice for a disaster free day? Play it safe with Santa.


6. Den waited until Christmas day to tell Angie she was out. 

Despicable. There’s nothing that could ruin Christmas more than this, we suppose that’s why he waited. We don’t even have any nice little lessons to take from this, but Angie was better off out.

7. Frank’s Christmas tree whoopsie.

The king of fails: “Where’s the rest of the tree Frank?”… “Calais”. So what can we take from this, apart from, if you only have half a Christmas Tree, who cares? One thing’s for sure, this will not be Frank’s only fail at Christmas.

8. Christmas Day rows take place at 9.58am. 

You obviously start Christmas day not intending on a row, but according to a research company the first one strikes at 9.58am. That’s after the first piece of chocolate which is normally consumed at 8.39am. The first telling off of  the kids is at 11.07am and the first booze is consumed at 11.49am sharp. Readers will be able to work out the relationship between these events on your average Christmas morning.

That said, the research firm was employed by Norwegian cheese maker Jarlsberg. In Norway you must dance around the Christmas tree 8 times before you can open your presents.

But listen, don’t worry. Chances are your day will go smoothly. Plan it carefully, take it easy and be merry.

If any of this has knocked the wind out of your Christmas Sails, check out our Christmas Inspiration store to get you back in the Yuletide spirit.

Published: Thursday 11th December 2014 by Paul Nickerson - Writer

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